How to Eliminate Perfectionism, Overdoing It and Inappropriate Guilt! By Connie Sokol

Fantastic article with really inspring thoughts. I need this during the holidays!

Just in time for the holidays: Eliminate Perfectionism, Overdoing, and Inappropriate Guilt!

The holidays are before us, with the anticipated merry-making and, of course, the dreaded mayhem. Years ago, President Thomas S. Monson retold a story about ships and how as they traveled the oceans, salt-water shellfish called barnacles attach themselves to their hulls. These barnacles would slow the ship down and decrease its progress and efficiency. But when the captains reached the fresh waters of the Willamette or Columbia rivers, the barnacles would loosen and let go, so the ship returned lighter and more efficient.

To eliminate holiday stress “barnacles,” emotionally prepare as you overcome perfectionism, overdoing, and inappropriate guilt.

Perfectionism.

This mindset insists that mistakes are unacceptable and that each item, event, or task must be done to the “best” of our ability. This is not only false, but a great recipe for a white straight jacket.

In the book, I’m a Day Late and a Dollar Short, Joanne Larsen shares the story of a woman who was asked to bring “a few pies and a veggie tray” to a party. Wanting to make a statement, she home-baked six pies and made a veritable vegetable forest, including mushroom and broccoli trees. In the end, exhaustion won out and she wasn’t able to even attend the party. That’s perfectionism. Instead of doing energy-to-task, meaning, “How much energy is necessary for this task/event/item?” we focus on impressing others or receiving approval.

In the book, The Challenging Child (certainly not because we have one…), author Stanley Greenspan says as mothers, for the first time women may have to settle for not being able to do everything to their desired level. What he recommends? “Be a B+”. With seven kids I’m here to say, this principle works—I use it daily! I have become an avid 80-percenter. Of course, some things require 100%, such as tithing, marital fidelity, that kind of thing. But a pie for a party? Folded towels by your children? State of the minivan at any given time? Definitely 80 percent.

Overdoing.

Typically, this belief is that only you can do it—only you know how to get Bobby down for a nap, make 30 napkin rings for the Relief Society meeting in only 30 minutes, or how to load the dishwasher correctly. We can learn something from Martha’s wonderful interchange with the Savior, who lovingly said, “Thou art careful (worried) and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful.” (Luke 10:41-42). A perfect solution. Right now, for you and your family, what is the one needful thing to focus on? Is it gaining peace, organization, under-scheduling? Prayerfully consider, then purposefully pursue a solution.

Inappropriate guilt.

Appropriate guilt is wonderful—it helps you quickly course-correct. Inappropriate guilt, however, typically makes you feel paranoid, less-than, and crave brownies—the whole pan. Enos gives us a wonderful gem to use. After praying for spiritual relief (his soul “hungered”) he feels forgiven and is told he will be blessed. And then he says, “And I, Enos, knew that God could not lie; wherefore, my guilt was swept away.” (Enos 1:6) It doesn’t say he went back and said, “Are you sure? I don’t know. I really think I offended Sister Whozit that one day, twenty-five years ago.” If you suffer from too much guilt, ask yourself, “Is it mine?” If it is, go and apologize. We all make mistakes, and likely the other person will have forgotten it anyway. If it’s something beyond your control, not your fault but you feel badly, or a tool of the adversary (makes you feel negative about yourself), then pray for relief and allow Him to sweep it away (with no second-guessing).

Use any one of these tools—be an 80-percenter, focus on one needful thing, or ask “Is it mine?”—to make a marvelous difference in your daily outlook!

Becoming A Christ-Centered Woman

For the rest of the tools, including how to use prayer, scripture study, and personal promptings to regain focus and balance, as well as more tips on eliminating emotional clutter, this download is available on sale for a limited time. Receive “Becoming a Christ-centered Woman” download for only $2.99 (regularly $9.99) at www.conniesokol.com or directly at http://conniesokol.com/product/becoming-a-christ-centered-woman/.

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