Learning About LDS Adoption Services- The Red Headed Hostess

I have always been interested in the LDS adoption program.

I have known friends, neighbors, students and acquaintances who have used it, and it is likely that many of you have as well.

And it is likely that you will know people in the future who use this wonderful service.

Below is an interview I had with John and Heather Thomas who has had a wonderful experience adopting their daughter through LDS Family Services, and are hoping to adopt again.

Take a minute and read their story, I think it is good for us to know what this is about and what it takes. And then if you have children… go and hug them tight.

1. How did you two meet and how long have you been married?

We met in Logan, Utah. I moved in with my cousin and his roommates and Heather was friends with them. Our first date was a house group date.
I had my eye on John from the first time we met. I made sure his roommate knew of my interest in John so when plans for the group date began
his roommate would know to suggest that John take me out! John did and We just celebrated our 10 year anniversary!

2. How long were you married before you adopted your daughter?

We had been married for 7 years when our daughter was born. We had looked into adoption a couple of years earlier but it just didn’t feel right at that time.

3. How old is your daughter and what does she like to do?

Our daughter is now 3 years old and she loves animals, especially horses. She does a great horse imitation! Whenever we go to the rodeo, horse races,
parades etc. she is in heaven. She loves to splash in water so anytime we can go to the pool, beach or splash pad she is happy. She has a great imagination
and it is so fun to sit and listen to her play with her toys or horses. We get a good laugh at the things that come out of her mouth!

4. When you decided to adopt, where did you start?

We started by going to an orientation meeting at LDS Family Services. John and I were so nervous going to this meeting. I think it’s natural to be nervous
about something you don’t know much about and at that point, adoption was that something. Luckily, the caseworker that did the orientation was so caring and
helpful and put our nerves at ease. This wasn’t a one on one meeting, there were several couples meeting together with the caseworker, which also helped our
nervousness.

5. Are you looking to adopt again?

Absolutely! Having our daughter is a great blessing, she adds so much joy to our lives! She would love a sibling and We cannot wait to bring another child
into our home and family. If we got a call tomorrow about an opportunity to adopt, we would be extatic!

6. What are some of the challenges you experience while involved in the adoption process?

The biggest challenge is facing the reality of infertility. Knowing (unless a miracle happens) that you will never have a child that shares your DNA.
You wonder why me, why us and is it because we will not be a great mom or dad. Once you can come to terms with infertility and decide adoption is the right
path to take, the next challenge is having to go through multiple hoops to get approved to be a parent.

7. What are some of the things a couple needs to do or have in order to be approved to adopt through LDS Family Services?

First thing is to turn in an application. Then comes background screenings, medical examination, Bishop’s recommendation letter, current temple recommend,
married at least 2 years, reference letters, home study, birth certificate, marriage certificate, tax returns etc. All of this is to make sure the couple
looking to be approved for adoption is physically, mentally, financially and spiritually capable to raise a child. This is obviously a lot but taking it
one day at a time and doing one thing each day makes it managable. Also, knowing that adoption is the path for getting your child here, makes it well worth
the effort!!!

8. How long did the adoption process take?

Our adoption experience with our daughter was really fast. A week after we submitted our application John’s cousin called and told us about a family he knew
where a teen was pregnant. So then it was just a matter of getting everything to LDS Family Services and making sure we were approved to adopt before our
daughter was born. This time around we’ve been approved for over a year and are looking forward to that exciting time when we find out we’ve been chosen!!
The process of getting everything turned in, answering many, many questions online, setting up a portfolio of pictures, having interviews with your
caseworker and writing the birth-parent letter takes adoptive couples anywhere from a few weeks to several months depending on the couple. Then
you have to be proactive in getting the word out that you want to adopt!! Once you’ve been chosen, which is soooo exciting, you get to know the expectant
parent(s) if you plan on doing an open adoption. In Utah the law is once the baby is born a period of 24 hours must take place before a birth mother can
sign any papers. Once the papers are signed there is a period of 6 months in which LDS Family Services has legal custody of the baby but obviously the baby
lives with you, the couple. During this 6 month period you’ll have a few home visits with your caseworker. After the 6 months, it’s off to the courthouse
to finalize the adoption!! Then our favorite part…the temple, to be sealed as a family forever!!

9. How does a birth mom go about choosing the family she would like to place her child with?

There are multiple ways including just searching the internet for adoptive agencies, being referred to an agency by someone they know or by being introduced
to a couple that is looking to adopt from someone they know. If she is with an agency they will present her with some options of looking at scrapbook pages
of couples or looking at profiles of couples online. With LDS Family Services they can go and search through profiles on www.itsaboutlove.org.

10. What costs are associated with the adoption process?

There is the application fee along with any fees it takes to get approved; depending on the agency the fees are different. With LDS Family Services
it ranges from from $4,000 – $10,000, depending on your yearly income. With other agencies they are higher as LDS Family Services is heavily subsidized by
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. An average adoption in the United States is anywhere between $17,000 – $40,000.

11. What are the different options that parents and birth moms have in the adoption process?

In the adoption arena there has been a shift in how the relationships between birth mothers, birth fathers and adoptive couples exist. The relationship
channels used to be more closed and final until about 7 or so years ago which is when Open Adoption started to be more widely preached. Studies have shown
that all parties involved, for the majority, have thrived better in an “Open” relationship which is determined by those involved. This is by far the norm in
todays adoption. closed adoptions are still available if that is what the parties choose, however most birth moms love having some form of ongoing
relationship with the adoptive couple. We have an open adoption with our birth mom and love it! We talk to her on the phone, text, facebook, and try to visit
her as much as possible (she lives about 7 hours away).

12. What are the age ranges of children that couples can adopt?

Most of the time newborns are adopted; however there are many situations where infants & toddlers are adopted. For older children that are adopted they are
mostly in the foster care system and are adopted through what is called Fost-Adopt which is where a couple foster’s a child and then due to certain
circumstances are allowed the opportunity to adopt the child. Any child that is under the age of 18 can be adopted.

13. What advice would you give a couple who is starting the adoption process?

Make sure you know that adoption is right for you. Be prepared to exercise a great deal of faith and patience because the adoption process is an emotional
roller coaster. Know that you will enter a world where most people do not know about adoption and if they do their info is out of date. Be open to all
possibilities and to the idea that you will grow your family not just by one child, but with a whole other extended family. Adoption of a child also brings
adoption of that child’s birth mom/dad and her/his family as well. You will be tested and more than anything learn what true heavenly love is when your
birth mom takes her baby and places him/her in your arms. At that moment you will know what it was like, on a small scale, for Heavenly Father to give the
world His Son, Jesus Christ, as a gift to the world.

14. If someone is looking into adopting, where are some good resources for them to start?

By far the best resources available is to find those who actually live in the adoption world including birth mothers, adoptive couples, adoptees, birth
mother’s mother and father etc. There are great books and articles on adoption. Listening to a group of birth mothers share their stories is what helped us
the most. No matter what you may find in print, nothing will replace the tears and emotion of a birth mom sharing her story and love for her child that she
placed with a loving couple.

https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/ct/eng/site/adopting-families/