Preparing to Become an Eternal Companion (Yw Lesson 4) and Journal Quotes
Even though your young women don’t know who their future husband is yet,
(although some of them may think or hope they have) they are totally and completely living their love story right now. Isaac never met Rebekah before they were ready to be married, but the Lord brought them together because they qualified for each other.
In all of the years leading up to the point until they married, they had each been making their own choices and living a certain way so when the time was right, they were both prepared and worthy.
I remember someone saying to me when I was a teenager,
“If you are a 10, then you will marry a 10.”
And I thought to myself – that makes so much sense! And that little saying rang in my soul through all of my dating years until I met my husband. I knew couldn’t control what my future husband was doing in his life – but I could control what I was doing in mine. I had the power to try and become the kind of person I would want to marry. And now that I have made my choice in a husband, I realize that in a way, I did have some control over the choices he was making, because I ended up choosing a guy that was like me in standards, values, and principles, and so our histories ended up being pretty similar. Because it was those histories that qualified us for each other.
Every choice we make is determining the kind of person we are, and therefore the kind of person we will someday marry.
Read this scripture to your young women and ask them what it has to do with their future spouse:
Doctrine and Covenants 88:40
(We will attract the kind of person WE are).
I think it would make an interesting discussion to ask them to make a list. Not a list of things they hope to have in their future husband (like we always do), but a list of things they hope their future husband is doing right now. Give them scenarios… how do you hope he is acting at school… what kind of grades do you hope he is getting… how do you want him to treat his mom… his brothers and sisters… what kind of movies do you hope he is or isn’t watching… what kind of friends do you hope he has… do you want him to have a steady girlfriend…
I like to paint a picture for my students of a really good guy or girl – for example, I may say, “Amy – what if I told you that your future husband was a really righteous young man… he plays basketball and his team says that they never hear him swear… in seminary, he always volunteers to pray when someone asks… when their was a new kid in school he made sure to show him around the school and helped him find a group of friends that he felt good with… he got his mom flowers the other day just to say thank you… he is early to church every week because he magnifies his Priesthood and attends to his duties… he waited until he was 16 to date, and now he dates but he doesn’t steady date, and sometimes he and his friends ask out girls that they think haven’t had a date before just so she can have a date in high school… (you could get quite creative in your description of him).
Watch your young women swoon. They will want this kind of guy – which will open up for a very interesting “ah-ha” moment for themselves. Because you could then ask them, “what kind of wife do you think this guy wants? … Let them answer this question. Ask them what this guy would want his wife to be doing during high school. (By the way – this would be a GREAT time to discuss that the Personal Progress program is designed to do for the young women exactly what this kind of guy wants in a future wife).
I have become so very aware, that many of the youth are not connecting their behavior now with the future they want. Many of them are not focused on the things that will bring them the most happiness. If you want a really good talk to drive this home – read this talk.
Now, give them the Temple marriage card. This is a card meant for the youth or young adults who are not yet married. Actually, it is not for them – it is for their future spouses. Your young women should read, date, and sign the card and then put it right into their wallet.
Here is the card: temple wallet card
This card should be with them everywhere they go from this point on!
It is a promise to their future husband that they are making choices right now for him and for their future family. So, every date, every hang-out, movie, vacation, class… everywhere they go THIS CARD WILL BE WITH THEM.
And then on the day they get married,
they can pull this tattered and torn card out of their wallets and give it to the person they have been waiting and preparing themselves for.
This card should represent thousands of decisions that have been made to get her to the point to qualify for that young man she just married.
Can you imagine a greater gift?
* You could also have them write a letter to their future husband in connection with this card. They could explain to him what this card is and what its purpose is. In fact, I think it would be AMAZING if they added to the letter every year – reporting to him the things she is doing and how she is preparing herself for their future family.
* Here is a handout of quotes you could use: Quotes and Marriage and Dating (they are two to a page so they can fit in a journal if you are keeping one)
* You may also be interested in this post
And here is the card again: temple wallet card
See our Teaching Helps for the lessons title “How can I prepare now to be a righteous wife and mother?” HERE
Great ideas- thank you!
I am so grateful that you shared these ideas. This is perfect and so applicable to my girls! Thank you! Thank you!
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! This is such a wonderful idea and handout! Love it! Thank you for sharing!
Dear Sister Red-Headed Hostess,
I just found your site and I’m so thankful that you love the gospel and think about it and then put your talents to good use. I’ve appreciated your thoughts and ideas and handouts on lessons as well.
Keep the faith!
A sister in NC
We share are mornings together….I look forward to seeing what you have posted!
Love your site!
Thank you for your inspiration and words.
I applaud you for working hard to help teenagers make good decisions. It is a hard place to be. But I wonder if holding up the promise of a ‘good’ spouse as a reward for good behavior is a little misdirected. While it is certainly a worthwhile goal to be a great spouse, I think it’s even better to encourage girls to make these good decisions so she can become a Christ-like person, regardless of where it gets her in the spouse department. How will a girl feel to have that card in her wallet, having made great life decisions, but unmarried, at 35? A girl should strive to be a good person because she wants to be like Christ, not so she can score a great spouse.
I totally understand what you are saying. I didn’t get married until I was 32 and I have so many friends who haven’t been married or whose marriage didn’t work out and I try and be sensitive to their situations. I totally agree with you that the focus on the young women should be to become like Christ and that should be the center of all of our lessons. The purpose of the card is to help them make the connections with their choices this weekend and the person they are becoming and the future they are building for themselves. That the “happily ever after” they grow up watching in the movies doesn’t come without a lot of work, repentance and good decisions. The idea of this card came when I heard a talk from Sister Beck about how the youth today aren’t talking about their future families like other generations, so I wanted to do something to help re-focus them.
I really appreciate your thoughts and insights – thank you!
Thank you for this post! Today I got to church only to learn that my Beehive advisor had been released and would not be available to teach today. I remembered reading this post and was able to pull it up on my iphone, and taught a fabulous lesson on the fly. Thank you, you saved my bacon today!
What amazing ideas you have! These truly completely the other part of the lesson I wasn’t sure what to do with! I love how you’re put this together for them! I’m sure it will leave a lasting impression on our YW! Thank you for sharing!